This week, here where I am, winter is clinging vehemently. With each day that the warmth seeps through to reach us, winter pushes back in desperation. It howls it’s wind, as though screaming to not be left behind. It flurries down upon us, trying with might to blanket us in its self-importance. To make sure that, though you may move about with your days of your life, it will remain there, a steady presence to be reckoned with. But we know that this period just requires some patience. Requires some grace on our part to progress past this to a time where there will be growth, and life will bloom, and we will tend to this new life.
I know this period well. I am sure you know it well too. Actually, I know that you do. And I don’t mean the period of early springtime weather from years past. I mean from times much the same, yet outfitted much differently. Those times where something weighs cold and ruthless on you, digging its claws in deep as you long for brighter days and a new beginning. You can see glimpses of its possibility, but the bleakness seems never ending. Those times where life feels so very heavy, and as though you are merely trudging on. And the heaviness seems to be nothing but a burden, a curse, a dead weight. But perhaps, maybe, this heaviness is the weight of great possibility building upon itself inside of you. Testing your patience and your capacity as it swells, until one day, until one day it blooms. It breaks through your aching stretched-to-the-limits self and you overflow into the world. You become more than who you were before. You grow. You evolve. You spring forward. And yes, there remains struggle in this part, but there is relief to be found too.
All of this to say, I hope that when you find yourself in that space of longing for brighter days, longing for relief… I hope that you can find those little bits of hope and wonder to carry you like stepping stones from one bank of being to the next.
Here are five of mine. Might they inspire you of your own if you find it difficult to muster.
These Bananagrams - for playing with my daughter
This bundle of sage - for clarity and fresh starts
These full jars of loose leaf tea - there for my taking
These empty little apothecary bottles - waiting for their potential to be filled. And for their simple, blank beauty.
And finally, something that is so simple, yet so complex and profound... The pleasure of being in integrity with myself.
Eight months ago I made the decision to stop drinking. I made the commitment to recover myself. To be fully present and intentional, and live in integrity with myself. Though not without rawness and much trial, with that decision, with that commitment, my spirit has ballooned to heights beyond what I ever before imagined. I don’t yet have all of the words (or maybe it is courage) to share much more of this part of myself here just yet. Perhaps one day…
But for now - If you know what I mean, then you know what I mean. If you are curious, or long for this for yourself? I know where you are. And I would be happy to hear from you and lend you my support. And if you don’t know what I mean, I am fairly sure you do in one way or another, because we all have a crux of ourself to recover.
I hope that this finds you well, dear ones.