Over the weekend I recorded an interview that I was asked to do on a podcast, titled “The Wild Soulcast”, created by an incredibly smart woman doing important work.
Afterward, I had a bit of a vulnerability hangover from doing so. You know that feeling when you’ve put yourself out there. Showed up to life in a vulnerable way and shared yourself. Somewhere underneath you feel at peace with the vulnerability because you know it has value. I feel at peace with it because I know I was authentic. But there still remains that unshakable inner grimace of “oof. I laid myself out”.
We're a busy folk. So much of our lives and connection is but seeing snippets of each other. Two hours for a dinner together, stolen text messages, an hour of a podcast, an essay on a page, little picture perfect curated squares on social media that polish our stories. There is posturing. And It’s easy to miss the humanness of those beyond your most intimate few. It’s easy to compare ourselves to ideals. It’s easy to miss the authenticity of each other. It takes extra effort - emotional, mental effort to genuinely connect.
With time, I have discovered that I am a *sharer*. Albeit an introverted sharer, but definitely a sharer. I haven’t always practiced that. I’ve had times of being tightly shut off and distanced. Those were the times I felt the most pain. Did I disconnect because I was in pain? Or did I feel pain because I was disconnected? Probably both. But, with time, I have softened and worked hard on having enough comfort with myself to be really open. Being an open book, particularly about the uncomfortable parts of life. It is an ongoing process, but with it I’ve been rewarded the sense of being integrated, and with great connection. With others, with all the parts of myself, with nature, with life.
Now, perhaps you are wondering what in the world this has to do with a “Subversive Supper”. Everything. I believe it has everything to do with it. It is a subversive, radical act to live with intention and vulnerability in the face of the barrage of distractions and walls built between us. And the way in which you feed your spirit is as essential to your wellness as the food that you eat...
All of this to say - it has great value to be vulnerable. With yourself, with others. It may leave you feeling like you’ve had the life force sucked out of you, or it may leave you feeling exhilarated. But either way, there are rewards to be reaped in its practice. Rewards you can reap only from practicing this...